


Memories of Home

by AkiRah



Series: Beyond Destiny: Short Side Pieces (Entirely Out Of Order) [5]
Category: Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic
Genre: Balmorran occupation, Gen, Introspection, Marli has memories and they suck, Marlitharn (OC), Pureblood Jedi Knight, Sith Pureblood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-16
Updated: 2017-05-17
Packaged: 2018-11-01 10:39:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10920147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AkiRah/pseuds/AkiRah
Summary: Marlitharn, the hero of Tython, returns to the planet of her birth and is forced to confront memories of her father. To know he was a monster was easy, to remember that she was loved is somewhat more difficult.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to Etienne_Bessette for the use of his Sith Inquisitor, Katsulas
> 
> Nwit Asha translates roughly into "Little Victory"

Marli wasn’t sure what she should have expected. Maybe a sense of returning home but that was _stupid_ if she put it into words. She reached up to touch her cheek, fingers running over the three vertical scars left over from her _last_ encounter with a colicoid. She couldn’t remember what had happened. She _knew_ that that was when she’d first expressed her force talents, but she couldn’t remember if she had killed the colicoid or if someone had intervened. She remembered the surge of power, something slick and oily on her skin and _pain_ , so much pain. 

_“Lucky she didn’t lose the eye,”_ someone said in the back of her thoughts, but the voice feels far away and she couldn’t attach a face to it. 

“You alright?” Kira asked. “You’ve been staring at the horizon for like five minutes.” 

Marli cleared her throat. “I’m fine, Kira. Just . . .” she dropped her hand away from the scars. She shook her head. “The Balmorran resistance isn’t known for its willingness to cooperate with the Republic. Much less the Jedi.” 

“You are a _really_ shitty liar,” Kira said, quirking the side of her mouth into a sympathetic smile. “Worried the locals won’t react well to your. . .” Kira let her voice peter off and just sort of gestured at Marli. 

Marli managed a little laugh. “Yeah, after years of brutal subjugation by The Empire I don’t think a red sith is something they’re going to like.” 

* * *

_The body slumped forward against the restraints was wearing a Balmorran uniform. Her father turned around, shaking his hands as though dispelling water. The smell of charring skin was thick in the air but he grinned at her. “Nuyak nwit asha,” he said, strong hands gripping under her armpits and tossing her into the air. “And how is my treasure this morning?” He pulled her in and kissed her forehead and he smelled like ozone and blood._

Balmorra didn’t feel familiar, but the looks the resistance gave her did. The immediate distrust, the immediate dislike. It was a reminder of _why_ she had been kept in isolation for as long as she was. She had to demonstrate control before she could be trusted around others. Marli inhaled and kept her eyes forward, determined to look neither hostile or cowed. 

“You look familiar,” an old man said. Twi’lek, scarred, his right arm was a mess of burned skin and cybernetics. “Have you been here before?” 

She shook her head. “No. I’m afraid I haven’t.”

_She looks like Lord Jirdash_ , a second twi’lek said, just as old. 

Marli stopped, the name going off like bells in her head. She remembered a tall man, deep red skin and eyes just like hers. He was broad and strong with a deep laugh and a bright smile, the sort of smile that softened his every mannerism. 

_His hands are wet, copper smelling. He shakes them off and a droplet hits her cheek. “Hovering again, nwit asha? You’ll learn the art later, don’t worry.” He laughs and grabs a napkin to wipe the blood from her skin. “Go attend your mother, nwit asha, daddy’s working.”_

She gave what she hoped was a sympathetic smile. “Apologies. I heard about him, the jedi put down his whole family more than a decade ago to stop his reign of terror.” 

* * *

Kira sat beside her on the cot that night. “You lied.”

“Huh?” Marli asked, rubbing a tired hand over her face. “I wha--oh,” Marli folded her knees to her chest. “Yeah. I--I was born here.” 

“Lord Jirdash’s kid, right?” Kira asked. 

Marli nodded slowly. She tensed her jaw and said, in a very small voice. “I had forgotten his name.” 

“That must have been rough,” Kira leaned over just a little and gave Marli the tiniest nudge with her head. “I’m glad they got you out of there.” 

“Yeah,” Marli said, closing her eyes and exhaling. Kira’s experience with the Sith had been brutal and terrifying. Conditioned from near-birth to kill and fight and serve the Emperor. Marli swallowed. “I’m really very lucky.” 

_Nwit Asha_ , she couldn’t remember what it meant. 

But it felt like it meant something kind. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marlitharn actually talks about her past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Katsulas G'Quan is Etienne_Bessete's sith inquisitor. Also, shout out to Etienne for helping beta this because I switched tense like four damn times.

The coalition on Yavin IV was proof that galactic peace could be possible if either side actually wanted it. Marr _really_ didn’t and Grandmaster Satele Shan would say she did but only if every possible concession was made by the Empire because “Jedi do not compromise” and Marli was . . . tired. 

Yavin IV was terrible. The spirits of long dead Sith wandered through the tall grass, more dangerous than the numerous predators. The Massassi were a reminder of what the Sith _had been_ that Marli found distressing. The dark side rose up thick enough to clog her nose and mouth and drown her but she had to admit she felt _strong_ on this planet. Stronger than ever and that was _horrifying_. 

Scourge was terrible. With their primary antagonist being Revan, Scourge had withdrawn further into himself. For a man who couldn’t feel emotion, it seemed very much like he was pouting and Marli couldn’t fault him for that but it was . . . irksome that the one time she really needed him, he’d decided to pull some sith imitation of a hermit crab. 

Her crew was terrible. She loved them dearly but Rusk and Kira were _looking_ for excuses to fight with the Imperials and T7, while marvelous, wasn’t really suited to the jungle (the flaws in having wheels). _Doc_ , having noticed Scourge withdrawing, must have thought that “Gorgeous” needed cheering up because he’d been relentless with the pick-up lines and the thinly veiled offers to knock boots. Marli could appreciate that it was probably just Doc legitimately trying to be a friend, but it was also _staggeringly_ _obnoxious_ and possibly dangerous for him if and when Scourge rejoined the conversation. 

Revan was terrible. She was trying _very hard_ to not take it personally that she’d rescued him, and his immediate plan was to try and genocide her entire species. He’d seemed nice enough after being broken out of the Maelstrom prison. 

Grandmaster Satele Shan and Darth Marr were terrible. For a joint coalition, it would have been nice if they could at least _pretend_ to trust one another for more than two minutes at a stretch. Their meetings were more full of thinly veiled jibes and passive-aggressive backhanding than of actual plans, and every time Marli got fed up enough to actually say something, some sixth sense of the Grandmaster’s had her sent into the jungle to accomplish some task. 

Lana and Theron were terrible. Individually, she adored them and as a team they were more effective and cooperative than anyone else on this rock _but_ there wasn’t any trust left between them. Lana lamented losing Theron’s trust and Marli wanted to shake her because that’s what happened when you _let someone get kidnapped and tortured,_ and Theron was taking every chance to be petty at both Lana and his mother and while Marli couldn’t blame him, she could be annoyed about his timing. 

The problem with Theron was exacerbated because he was _very pretty_ and Scourge was _basically ignoring her_ and she had kissed Theron on Rishi and damn it she wanted to do that again and she couldn’t for a wide variety of reasons, half of which started with “I’m a Jedi.” 

The only silver lining was Darth Occlus--Katsulas G’quan--and when she thought about it like that it didn’t _feel_ like a silver lining. Since they’d met on Manaan and worked together on Rishi, he’d become her closest confidant and maybe even her best friend. Which was troubling, seeing as she had _been_ the Jedi strike team that took out the Emperor and he was a Dark Council member. 

Troubling or not, it was true. 

Kat stuck close to her as they moved through the encampment, surveying first the Republic forces and then the Imperial, able to claim that they were together under the auspice of cross faction cooperation when really they just liked being around one another. Kat was crass and loving and funny and only came up to her sternum. He was free with his affection and his opinions in ways she could never be and it felt like living vicariously through him when he whistled appreciatively at Theron’s ass or rolled his eyes while Grandmaster Satele or Darth Marr were talking. 

They were almost finished touring the Imperial encampment when a sith lord stopped them. Shorter than Marli, Zabrak, red skin cracked with black lines from darkside corruption so his tattoos seemed to be spreading virus-like over his skin. He gave Kat a low bow, but his orange eyes were fixed on Marli. “Your name, _jedi_.” He spat the last word like it was made of razors. 

Marli thought about telling him to fuck off, but that just showed that she was spending too much time with Kat. Or Kira. Or Scourge. _Force_ she needed more Jedi-like friends. “I’m Master Marlitharn,” she answered instead, forcing her voice to come out even and expressionless and failing. It came out strained and almost questioning. 

“I thought as much.” The Zabrak wrinkled his nose in distaste. “So the Jedi truly _broke_ Jirdash’s line.” 

“What the fuck--” Kat said, narrowing his silver eyes at the Zabrak and then looking up at Marli with concern.

“We have inspections to complete,” Marli said, sounding dead but more like a Jedi than she usually managed. “Come on.” 

They finished their inspections and headed back to the ship. 

“Jirdash?” Kat asked as the door closed behind them. Marli tried to just be grateful that he waited until they were back on her ship. “As in occupation of Balmorra Jirdash?” 

She nodded. “I’m very lucky the Jedi arrived. My fat-- _Lord Jirdash_ was a brutal man, known for how he delighted in causing pain.” 

_“How is my treasure this morning?” he asks, pulling her in and kissing her forehead. He smells like ozone and blood but she giggles and kicks her feet, squirming with laughter._

“Oh, shit.” Kat shifted his weight. “Was he cruel to you? Are you alright?” He asked it earnestly, kindly. He set his hand on her arm, establishing his presence and that he was there, specifically that he was there for her. 

“I--” Marli swallowed. “Lord Jirdash and his wife terrorized the Balmorrans.” 

“Marli.” 

She looked down at the floor and blinked, trying to force the stinging in her eyes to stop. “I’m--I’m lucky.” 

_Her mother shoves her under the table. “Lie still, Marlitharn. Whatever you do.” The door crashes open. There’s the scream of a lightsaber. Her mother has the most beautiful eyes but right now they’re emanating purple smoke and staring at her. She can smelling burned skin and it reminds her of daddy but it’s coming from mother and her eyes on are Marli’s but her body’s over there._

Marli clenched her hands to fists. “I’m lucky.” 

She wasn’t sure what to do when Kat set his cheek on her bicep and looked up at her, soulful silver eyes affectionate. “Marli,” he said again, more softly. “Come on, you can talk to me about this. We’re friends.” 

She took a deep breath and then exhaled. “I have . . . very few memories of life before the Jedi.” She touched her cheek where the scars were. “I don’t know how this happened. I didn’t . . . I didn’t even remember my father’s name until I went to Balmorra on the Council’s orders. I still don’t know my mother’s.” She closed her eyes and tensed her jaw. “I find the smell of charred flesh soothing because it’s what my fat--what _Lord Jirdash’s_ hands smelled like. They were . . . terrible people.” 

“And?” 

“And they loved me.” Marli admitted the sin in a tiny voice. She could feel un-jedi-like tears run down her cheeks and drip off the bone spurs that jutted from her jawline. “My--he called me _nwit asha_ and I don’t know what it means but it sounds kind.” 

“Little Victory,” Kat answered. “It’s in the old tongue.” He gave her a small, achingly gentle smile. “Marli, they can have been terrible people and still alright parents, just like good people can be terrible parents.” 

“The Grandmaster.”

“Yeah, fucking Satele.”

Marli gave a tiny, helpless laugh. “ _Kat_ ,” she admonished. 

“What? _I’m_ not a fucking Jedi.” He squeezed an arm around her shoulders and grinned up at her, encouraged by her laughter.

“No, no you’re not.” She smiled, a wet, brittle smile dotted with tears, but a smile nonetheless. “I don’t think you’d make a good or happy jedi.” 

“And you’d make a miserable and or terrifying sith lord. Probably both.” Kat reached up and wiped her tears away. “You’re alright, Marli.” 

She took a deep breath. Perhaps he was right and she was. 


End file.
